I can tell she’s one of those girl who settles. Well, settling is for people in covered wagons… not for people in love. Isn’t that what we’re all searching for, love? If I had a girl like that, I would treat her like an angel. I wanna run over there right now and I wanna say, “Dont you see? He’s not the one!” Maybe she’s thinking there’s someody out there who’s better. Maybe she’s thinking that someone is me.
Comedy
Stella
Stella is where I’ll be on Sunday.
With opener Eugene Mirman (which was unknown at the time I purchased tickets)!
Keswick Theater – Glenside, PA.
Mister Softee
Tom Scharpling: What is that playing in the background?
Spike: Oh it’s just a Mister Softee truck coming into the street.
Tom: Oh no! Get away! Run! Don’t you legally need to be 500 feet from that truck? Run, Spike!
Spike: No, I’m indoors.
Tom: Run! Is that your ankle bracelet going off?
Spike: I’m indoors, I’m no where near the truck.
Tom: Legally, is somebody witnessing you indoors?
Spike: Yes… somebody in the dungeon.
The Best Show on WFMU. September 16, 2008
Scranton, An Absolute Jerkwater of a Town
I come from Scranton, Pennsylvania and that’s as hardscrabble a place as you’re gonna find. I’ll show you around some time and you’ll see. It’s a hellhole. An absolute jerkwater of a town. You couldn’t stand to spend a weekend there. It is just an awful, awful sad place filled with sad desperate people with no ambition. Nobody, and I mean nobody, but me has ever come out of that place. It’s a genetic cesspool. So don’t be telling me that I’m part of the Washington elite because I come from the absolute worst place on Earth: Scranton, Pennsylvania.
– Jason Sudeikis, as Joe Biden on SNL October 4th
Andy Daly – Nine Sweaters
In our amazing future… women who have been given a drug that renders them unconscious will be delighted to wake up and find that they have been made love to… and they will thankful for the good night’s sleep.
– Andy Daly as The Incredible Blasko
Andy Daly’s CD is available on iTunes, Amazon, or directly from AST Records.
the world is in the toirlet
[audio:https://www.chrisflannery.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/the-world-is-in-the-toirlet.mp3]
